CrazyGirl observes the struggle

So, a few weeks ago now, I did a post about Prince Charming, and how I needed to spend the time enjoying my friends and not be focused on finding him. Well, I'm finding that's not always as easy at it sounds. I AM enjoying time with my friends, that's not a problem, the problem is how often I'm reminded of how single I am. I don't try to look for the clues. In fact, I try to avoid all those reminders. But, when you're cruising along, windows down, music up and some cute love song comes on, and you aren't the one in charge of the radio, it's like *BAM* instant reminder. It's hard when you struggle with being happy for someone and completely bummed at the same time. And I feel like I'm doing that pretty much every single day. Most of my friends are in relationships, and I struggle with being jealous. This isn't a pity party, so don't take it that way. This is my attempt at being honest with you guys. I'm getting real, and letting you know that this stuff I say on here, it doesn't all come easy. I wish it did. But, I struggle. I mean, I am only human.
I still deal with the urge to go to a party in hopes of having some kind of a social life. And, I definitely still struggle with the desire to be in a relationship. I don't have this thought that a relationship will make me whole, or make my whole life perfect or anything like that. I know that being in a relationship has struggles of its own. I just have this extremely deep-rooted desire to have a relationship. And I couldn't even tell you why. Maybe it's that since I was a little kid, I've wanted to be Cinderella, or that I have an addiction to romance novels. But, either way, I still struggle with the longing to have someone love me that way. And I don't want one of those little flings that won't ever mean anything. I don't want a flirtationship (where you flirt all the time, and border on dating, but know it won't ever happen). I want a relationship. I try to stop those thoughts when they come. Take them captive and throw them out. But, they seem to be so persistent, constantly barging into my mind. I've been praying about it. But still I feel overwhelmed.
It's so ironic that I should be so overcome by the desire for a relationship when the creator of the universe longs for one with me. We have a relationship, God and I, but I wouldn't consider it romantic. I don't know that that's what God wants either. I trust Him, with my life, my future, my feelings, my thoughts, everything. I've given this issue to Him over and over and over. Yet, so much of the world seems focused on the romance, and avoiding it is pretty much impossible. I know the perfect guy for me is out there waiting, and I pray for him every morning and every night. But still I struggle.
It sometimes seems to me that all I ever do anymore is struggle with getting rid of these thoughts, thinking of other things, praying about forgetting this idea. But still it persists. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm only human after all. I'm entrusting it to my Heavenly father, AGAIN. I just pray I can learn to be content where I am. Which is very very single.
Til Next Time,

CrazyGirl♥