CrazyGirl observes Lessons

So, I generally try to keep my blog posts on a happy note. But, sometimes they hit a serious note, and tonight, I'm going to get real.
I hate asking people for help. It sucks to admit that my body is not working the way it's supposed to, and there's nothing I can do about it.
You see, this past summer, my shoulder started to ache, then the ache got worse, then it became a sharp pain. Figuring that when I got back to school and quit using it as often it would stop hurting, we basically ignored the pain. Then, I got to school, but the pain didn't stop. In fact, it was just getting worse. After an xray, a failed MRI (turns out I'm actually quite claustrophobic), and finally a successful MRI, it was discovered that I not only had torn two ligaments in my shoulder, but I had fluid buildup in a ligament, a swollen tendon, and a bone spur.
Needless to say, my shoulder wasn't happy with me. Trying to avoid surgery, if possible, the surgeon gave me a cortisone shot. While it did improve my range of motion, it didn't ease my pain at all. Then, one night as I was leaving class, I oh-so-gracefully (in case you don't know me, that is TOTAL sarcasm. It was far from graceful) slipped down some stairs, and hit my shoulder on my way down, causing even more pain.
But, I'm not here to write you all a sob story or get your pity (although your prayers would be much appreciated). I'm telling you all this because, even though it's inconvenient and unpleasant at times, this is a small hiccup. God has a lesson for me somewhere in this injury. Whether it's humbling myself enough to actually ask for prayer and help when I struggle with simple, everyday tasks or just trying to show me how much I still have to be thankful for, I know that God will bring some good out of this. I'm constantly reminded of all the wonderful things in my life. I have some of the greatest doctors, and even though I dread going to appointments regarding my shoulder, I know I'm lucky to have the healthcare I have. I have wonderful friends and an amazing family who all keep me in their prayers. I was lucky enough to have my baby brother come home for Christmas even though we didn't think he was going to make it home this year. I am going to my dream school to pursue a degree that will allow me to teach. I could make this list go on and on, but I don't think any of you would feel like reading all that.
Long story short, despite struggles, I am still deeply blessed, and thankful for a loving God who reveals my blessings to me daily.
Til Next Time,
CrazyGirl❤

CrazyGirl Procrastinates

Hello my lovely readers!
I realize it has been a while since I've written here, and I'm sorry for that. It's been slightly crazy this semester, trying to balance school, a social life, and back and forth trips for doctor's appointments concerning my shoulder.
I'm writing right now partially because I'm procrastinating on studying any more (considering I already took a final this morning) and my brain feels fried, and partially because I've noticed something. We all joke about how finals week is terrible and hard and no one seems to want to survive. But, as I look around me, I feel like that isn't entirely a joke. I am not someone to study until I'm so stressed I can't see straight because I know that makes me do worse on the tests, but I'm watching as people give up sleep and eating and functioning properly for finals. It's craziness. So, trying NOT to become one of the zombies who can't form a full thought, I figured it was time to take a break, write on my blog, and do something I did a few years ago. Write a poem. Yes, a poem about finals week. So, here goes nothing.

Finals Week 2014

Where's the coffee? The sugar? The cream?

This final is crazy, I think I might scream. 

The library is full of studying classmates,

Physics, Biology -- Do we need to know the states?!?

I lost my notes, my computer crashed,

I've eaten my entire chocolate stash. 

Put on makeup? That's a joke. 

I'm watching my education go up in smoke. 

It's just one week, you'd think we'd be okay. 

We're trying to study, but Facebook is in the way. 

What is sleep? That one's new. 

That's not something we get to do. 

An IV of coffee should do the job,

The girl over there has started to sob. 

The brink of insanity, it seems is near,

As each of us enters our finals with fear.

Someone in here in starting to snore,

(Was that girl in this class before?)

I know a career will be worth all this stress,

but right now the whole school is a mess. 

So much of our grade rests on this week,

which means stress levels have started to peak. 

If we survive, Christmas break will be here,

but right now, we're lacking Christmas cheer. 

Prayers are appreciated (or gifts with caffeine)

Maybe you could give us a time machine. 

So we could listen to that lecture one more time,

And make sure the info is stored in our mind. 

To my fellow students, as this week commences,

I hope we all don't lose our senses. 

Til Next Time, 

CrazyGirl♥

CrazyGirl observes Clothes

Just hear me out, okay? I'm not about to write about how much I love clothes and matching outfits or making clothes (all of which are true, but irrelevant to this post). I'm writing from the heart today, about something that affected me, and many close to me; self-image.
The reason I titled this post as an observation of clothes, is because I think a lot of self-image issues start in the clothing stores. And, more and more lately, this has been brought to my attention. Just within the past month I have found out that American Eagle has made their clothing sizes smaller, so a friend who is much smaller than I now wears a size 14. Which is bologna. She is NOT a size 14, at least not in real people sizes. I was also shown a picture of Victoria's Secret's "plus size" model (who is about the size of my pinky finger). Then today, I came across an article about the store of growing popularity; Brandy Melville. Apparently they only sell size small or "one size fits most" clothing, and have a reputation for telling customers that they aren't allowed to try on clothes because they are "too big" and "will stretch out the clothes." (Disclaimer: I have not experienced this first-hand, just read about it in the article I came across which is available at Huffington Post)
Some of you might shake your heads, maybe give a snort of disapproval and move on. But, you see, this infuriates me. And I am NOT being dramatic about that. Almost nothing gets me as heated as seeing the way these brand name stores shame this generation into starvation.
You see, I was one of those girls who struggled with body image. Looking at my much thinner friends, and especially my much thinner squad mates, I looked at myself and all I could think was "F.A.T." I saw no beauty when I looked in that mirror and I absolutely hated myself. I struggled with jealousy that my friends could be so effortlessly beautiful. I hated the fact that I could eat half of what they ate and gain twice as much weight. And, especially after I joined the cheer squad and just BARELY fit into the extra large uniform, I didn't see any quality about myself other than that I was FAT. I hid my shame behind jokes, because if I could crack the joke first, at least they'd be laughing more WITH me than AT me. I hated that my "huge" butt could only fit into a 10-12. I was convinced I was hideous. Now I look at those pictures and wonder where I got that notion. I looked AWESOME!

But, the truth is, I was listening to society. Which was telling me I was a size 2x, and that I was too big for the juniors clothes and with utter mortification had to shop in the WOMEN'S section (which disappointingly at some stores has very old-lady style clothing. . .) I also did not take into consideration PROPORTIONS. I had a solid four or five inches in height over my friends, but still expected to fit in the same tiny jeans. I also had a VERY different build from my friends. I've learned over the years that I was not built to be a tiny, stick-thin girl. My body is not made that way. I am what some call "curvy." And I've come to accept that. That doesn't give me the right to neglect my body and allow myself to become an unhealthy weight. It just means that this absurd dream from my high school years of being a double zero is just that; absurd.
I just think, that maybe instead of supporting brand names that tear down girls self-esteem, we need to start supporting the brands that help them accept themselves exactly how they are. One of the reasons I love Old Navy is that their jeans run in sizes that reflect real people. As opposed to say American Eagle, or (although I love this store) Target.
I read a quote the other day that "The girl in the ad, doesn't even look like the girl in the ad." I've seen push for more "realness" to be reflected in our society. But, we as friends and family members need to be careful what we say, because often the smallest of comments can scar for a lifetime. I can still hear every fat joke someone else said about me. Heck, I still remember in FIRST grade when I was gleefully jumping off the playground platform in my dress because I like the way it poofed out, and some girl came up to me and said "You know, you look like a parachute because you're the SIZE of one." Who knows, maybe if we brought our daughters up to believe there's more to a person than the tag on her jeans, and we encouraged people to look beyond the superficial this would be less of an issue. All I really know is that THIS HAS GOT TO STOP.
We as individuals have got to stop commenting on size. We need to stop this constant internet war of posting that "Real men like a curvy woman" versus "This [insert picture of skinny woman] is more attractive than THIS [insert picture of wider woman]" We shouldn't be reduced to our size. So, let's stop encouraging that. God created each and every one of us in HIS OWN IMAGE.
JUST. THE. WAY. WE. ARE.
So, why are we judging that, degrading that, and causing each other to hate that? I, for one, would like to be known for who I am rather than what size jeans I wear. Which is why I make every effort to not judge my fellow sisters in Christ for their size.
Til Next Time,

CrazyGirl♥

CrazyGirl observes Perspective

So, lately I've been thinking. About our society, and their views on Jesus and Christianity. And to be 110% honest, society has it all wrong.
First and foremost, society (for the most part) seems to think that the Holy Trinity is this loving, teddy-bear-like, wish-granting thing that Christians use to have an oh-so-happy life. FALSE. Our God is indeed loving, but that love comes right alongside a wrath. I mean, think about it, God saw all the evil on the earth, and the evil intentions of man, but he didn't sit down and have a heart-to-heart with man. He didn't say "No no. Go in time out." No. God wiped out the Earth. *BAM* Huge flood, no people left except Noah and his family (and of course all the animals). Or look at Sodom and Gommorah; you know, where the people were living in sin and had turned away from God to fulfill their earthly desires? God didn't give them a little smack on their hand and hope that would do the trick; he wiped them out. And when Lot's wife didn't listen and looked back? She became a pillar of salt . . . salt. God also states in Romans that "the wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people . . . For although they knew God they neither glorified him nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened . . . Because of this God gave them over to sinful lusts . . . Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things, but approve of those who practice them." I'm sorry, but if that doesn't shatter this "teddy bear," "let's-all-just-live-in-peace" idea of who God is, then I can't really help you.
The other thing I've noticed is that when Jesus was here on the Earth, in the flesh of man, he was NOT afraid to step on toes. You didn't agree with his theology? Too bad. He was getting his wisdom from the Most High, and that kinda trumps your flawed, human theology.
The thing is, a lot of people think that if you're a Christian you are supposed to be this little, goody-two-shoes, who goes to church every Sunday and is basically perfect. Either that or you are the most raging hypocrite they have ever crossed paths with and you just need to go to You-Know-Where and usually a few other choice words follow those statements. But, God didn't send his son so we can sit in a pew on Sundays and judge the other people in our church. Jesus didn't die on a cross so we can have potlucks and gossip-fests. Not that fellowship isn't important, because it definitely is, but we've reached a point where our fellowship is our faith. God called us to be fishers of men, not back row baptists. We're supposed to be out in the world, sharing the Good News, even if we step on some toes along the way. Now, as a church, I think we tend to focus on these HUGE issues, like war, gay marriage, teen pregnancy, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, etc. But, at the risk of stepping on a few toes, maybe we ought to start closer to home; literally.
You see, I think we could combat these issues more easily if we started admitting we have issues of our own. It's so hard to let others know you are struggling, but that's why God wants us to fellowship. And the thing is, so many Christians have lost touch with the Biblical idea of marriage. One man. One woman. The man is to be the head of the household. Wives are supposed to submit to their husbands. I don't mean that women get no say and we need to go back to the "old" ways. But, as a body of Christ, we need to start looking at the flaws modern feminism presents to a Biblical standard of marriage.
God designed us differently on purpose. He created women with a natural tendency to nurture. He created men with a natural desire to provide. Woman came out of man's rib, so that she could be a partner and supporter to him in his life. I'm not saying women are lesser than men, but simply that we are created with a different purpose in mind. God gave us the abilities needed to care for a home, God gave men the role of provider. But lately we have pushed this idea that women have equal rights and women need to be exactly equal to men so much that the idea of a woman caring for the household is considered absurd. But, if the woman is working equally as much as the man, and neither can be "lowered" (I don't actually mean that, but I've heard the term used before when referring to being a housewife) to the task of child-rearing, where does that leave the children? If the children of this generation have no backbone at home, no example of marriage built on partnership and God's ideal for marriage, then they will suffer greatly when it comes time to build a marriage of their own. The less structure these children have, the more loose their morals become, and when the generation as a whole has loosened morals we end up in a world with some crazy ideas of normal. To quote one of my favorite bands, where the singer is talking about writing to the President of the United States to address some issues he sings "Same sex marriage in a state where they don't care, murder is wrong, but the jail time's not fair, not to mention date rape, felony, and car theft, break it down and tell me what we got left." Think about how normal some of these things are. And their normalcy will just continue to grow if we don't give children a structured home life, which again starts with a biblically based marriage. Later, in that same song, we come to the bridge where the singer brings up "Take a good look at Tommy, he's a track star, good role model, has a chance to go real far. Then the school made a budget cut, cut out the track team, now instead Tommy is a crackhead." As a junior higher, listening to Hawk Nelson, I thought this was a rather clever line and it made me giggle. But, as I've grown older and began my studies to be a teacher, I realized the very heavy truth behind it. Not only are our children suffering at the expense of us and our government, but what about the fact that the only stability in "Tommy's" life was school and track? Where are the parents of this generation? Why is the school system being depended upon for the raising of your children? There are so many flaws in thinking that the school should be raising your child for you. (But I won't get into those now, I could write like three blog posts about that.)
Anyway, to summarize what I've just babbled at you; we have crept away from the biblical standards for marriage, it's affecting the quality of marriages, it's affecting children, and it's affecting our society as a whole. We can start to fix a number of problems, but it needs to start at home, a Christ-centered home.
Til Next Time,
CrazyGirl♥

CrazyGirl observes Older Sisters

How many of you have older sisters? Yeah. I have one too. And the truth is, we didn't have the sugar-coated relationship that people seem to assume happens when you and your sister are close in age. In fact, for most of my childhood we fought. I can remember countless games of Barbie dolls where Lauren wanted something I had and she threatened to quit playing if I didn't give it to her. And I was definitely the MASTER at pushing her buttons (but only I was allowed to do so; you messed with her, I'd kick your butt.) I so wanted to be the opposite of her. She started wearing make-up? Fine. I wanted nothing to do with the nasty crap. She liked back to school shopping? I hated it. She spent time curling her hair before school? Cool. I was going to roll out of bed and throw mine into a ponytail. We would not be alike. I was determined. 

I figured that when she left for school, we would just eliminate the copious amounts of fighting that went on through junior high and high school. But, then I started noticing the other changes. I lost the person who knew the most about me. I lost my closest friend and strongest ally. I quickly began to notice the gigantic hole that had been left. 

Amazingly, through God's plan, we ended up at Simpson together for this past school year. It was like realizing I'd had a built in best friend all those years, and I had taken her for granted. The thing is, after those three years where she wasn't right down the hall (or now down the road), I'm realizing just how amazing a woman God has placed in my life. She's smart and beautiful, and funny. She puts up with all of me (which is an amazing feat in itself), and still will call me up to hang out. She's got a strong relationship with God, and an inner beauty that reflects it. Everyone who meets her is endeared by her. And I am thanking God everyday for giving me the opportunity to be her sister and the honor to be her friend (FINALLY). 

The thing is, God only gives us the siblings we have. Sometimes they might be annoying (I'm the master at that). Sometimes they hurt our feelings. But, all in all, they're our family and God blessed us with them. Don't take that for granted. 

Til Next Time,

CrazyGirl♥

I'm BAAAAACCCK!

Hey lovely followers♥
I apologize for my silence. I had some, er, technical difficulties (AKA my computer didn't want to connect to the internet) which kept me from my blog. In case you didn't know, I MISSED YOU GUYS. I love this blog and all my wonderful followers. And, that's what brings me to the point of this post.
As I may have mentioned before, I can check my "stats" or see how many times what post has been viewed by people other than myself, or where my followers are reading from, etc. It's pretty nice just to know that since I've been silent, people have continued to read my blog. Whether they stumbled across it by random happenstance, or read it because they know me and wanted to be supportive, or just wanted to know if someone out there was as crazy as them, I don't know. But, my numbers have gone up. Now PLEASE do not mistake that for me being all about the numbers. I honestly would probably continue to write this blog even if no one was reading regularly.
Twice in the past week, I have been told by friends that they read my blog and it made a connection. I couldn't ask for anything more from my blog. It's not famous, it's not fancy, and I know not everyone agrees with me. But to make a connection with someone, for something I wrote to strike a note with someone else, well, it's humbling. Here I am, sitting at a laptop, typing away about my random thoughts about WHATEVER, and somehow, someway, it's making a connection. I never could have DREAMED that for this blog, and yet, God knew it would happen, He orchestrated it perfectly so that my posts could connect with not one, but TWO different people. I can't begin to express how happy that makes me, and how much your prayers and continued readings of my randomness means to me. So, thank you all, so much. Here's to many, MANY more CrazyGirl♥ posts!
Til Next Time,

 CrazyGirl♥

CrazyGirl rants

Okay, so I know I've been on my blog a LOT lately (my mind has been hard at work apparently). But, there is something that has started bothering me more and more lately. And it's about our self-worth as women and men.
I have a Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I see these young ladies, beautiful young ladies I might add, who are basing so much of their self-worth off of stupid social media fads. It doesn't make THEM stupid, they just don't know any different. They've grown up in an era where social media dictates friendships and is a place to receive gratification from people that they might not even know. They think that having the most handsome "MCM" (that's Man Crush Monday for those of you wondering) or being a "WCW" (Woman Crush Wednesday) to the most guys is what validates their self worth. They have no sense of their worth as a person in the real world or at least a very VERY jaded view of what that means. They can't fathom their beauty in the eyes of Christ, because they haven't been anyone's "WCW." Most of what is posted on social media jades their perception of what is "normal" or "cool" or "worthwhile." Social media takes the popularity contest out of high schools and brings it home with these kids. Home isn't the safe haven that they come to knowing they can escape the insanity high school can be. The craziness is ALWAYS in the palm of their hand. And they KNOW that that other girl is getting MORE likes than them on Instagram.
It's also jaded the view these kids have of romance. I hate to break it to you, but a "Good Morning" text is not the most romantic gesture a man can think of. What about REAL romance? Like going out stargazing (withOUT the cellphones present) or being handpicked some wildflowers? What about singing songs or writing poems? Handwritten love letters? Better yet, what happened to the gentlemen introducing themselves to the girls' parents? Now it's okay for him to send a text "Hey. I'm out front" and honking the horn. Ladies, I don't mean to diss your man, but don't settle for that. You deserve respect. Men, be better than that. Hold the door for her. Meet her parents. And both of you, PUT THE PHONE DOWN. If you want to get to know someone, you have to spend quality time talking to them, finding out their mannerisms, their inflections, all the little details we don't seem to notice because we're all glued to little devices that run our lives and dictate the way we view ourselves and our self worth.
Besides the little rant I just gave, if you take anything out of this, let it be this: You are wonderfully and beautifully made. You are loved by the Creator of this Universe, which is worth more than being a "MCM" or "WCW." Remember your worth and beauty in the Savior, and you won't have to base your worth off of social media (which isn't worth it). 
Til Next Time,

CrazyGirl♥